Minding issues

[Theresa]

I have a four year old who I can not get to mind me no matter what I do. Ive tried time outs and praising him when he does listen, but 99% of the time he just wont do anything I ask him to do or not to do. He just waits until I turn my head to do it. I dont even have to walk away. Ive talked to his parents, and they chalk it up to hes and only child,and they blame each other. I know the parents and they let him do what ever he wants, but with other children here I cant let him. Anyone have any suggestions on what to do to get him to listen. He starts Kindergarden in the fall and if he doesnt learn to follow directions hes going to have a tough time. I dont want to give up on him, I would like to find someway to work with him.

[Lyndsey]

He must have something he really likes to do or to play with, and maybe just before he gets that toy or that chance to play the game, you could catch his attention and talk to him. Or if he's being naughty, remind him that he won't have what he wants until he stops doing x,y,z.

[tater03]

I agree if you can kind of catch him right before the action and distract him onto something else that might work. This is a hard one. I would definitely keep plugging away on the time outs or keeping him out of activities you know he enjoys as a sort of repercussion for his actions.

[atula]

I know a similar child whose parents are too kind to her..and she does not follow instructions...she even answers back when asked to do something like share a toy...she will always ask...why...I do not want to give the toy..I am playing with it..they can play with other things...it really becomes so hassling....I have tried to ignore this behaviousr and let her taste her own medicine by not letting other chidren share their toy with her....it works sometimes...but sometimes that too is difficult.....

[SageMother]

One of the things about kids between 4 and 6 is that they are really visually driven. Seeing their progress, instead of a verbal warning, will help them learn to think ahead, which goes into considering consequences of their actions.

The marble game helps.

Each child has a two bottles, with one having tape of lines drawn on it. Each day starts with all of the marbles in the jar that has no lines. Each misbehavior means a marble moves from the first jar to the second. When the marbles reach a certain line, there is a consequence.

You can also use red, yellow, and green construction paper.

Create a grid on a closet door or some other safe, but visible base and attach two pockets next to each child's name. Be sure there is a way to see the color of the construction paper through each pocket, so little pockets made with wax paper might be safe enough.

When misbehavior occurs the child moves his card to the empty pocket, revealing the next card in the original pocket. When they get to red, there is a time out or other consequence.

This way, they get in the habit of "checking themselves".

[Laughingmouse]

Using the visual cues would take some of the power struggle out of the behavior goals, too.

Would it be better for the adult to change the color or move the marble, or should the child be expected to do it?